Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
