Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
