i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
