I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
