I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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