I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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