He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize