I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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