i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
