your room smells of hookers.
And success
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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