He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
