Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
