It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
