when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
