Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
