i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
