for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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