i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
