I bet he comes in French.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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