is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
