oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
