you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
