Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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