worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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