I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
