Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
