From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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