it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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