Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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