I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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