She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize