four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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