I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
