Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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