i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
