Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize