And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and she was petting her beer can
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
