Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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