update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we're making bets on your personal life
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
