He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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