So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
