If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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