we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
