Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
