since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize