Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
