'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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