The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
