drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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