Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
