kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
