wanna go halves on a baby?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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