Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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