My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
