thus making me awesome and them whores
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
