i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
