Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
