In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
