Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
