you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
