I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
