We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
