I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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